I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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