I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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