Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
