Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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