Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
