The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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