dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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