The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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