you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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