I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
