Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Your dad touched me again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize