just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
