remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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