come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
