pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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