well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Welp...herpes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
