if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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