he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
