I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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