She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's always time for handjobs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
