Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish you could order shots online.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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