Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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