A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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