you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize