My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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