I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
