you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
