I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
