So drunk its hurt
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
