bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
