If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
