you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
