Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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