forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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