listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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