I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
