he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
