Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's shark week go big or go home
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
