well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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