I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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