There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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