Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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