Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
