I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
