I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
not ubering you a puppy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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