and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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