Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
