we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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