i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
