I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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