a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
