I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
