I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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