I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
