she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
