Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
