How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
