You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
