I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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