It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
