you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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