so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
