seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
