Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize