you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
