If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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