We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
