Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
