I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
