its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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