we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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