you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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