Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
