so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
