East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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