After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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