I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
