My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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