I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
