This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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