so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
