Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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