so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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