You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
