Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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