are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
