I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
