But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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