remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
