i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there was a trapeze. enough said
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ok first of all what the fuck
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
