More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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