she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piรฑata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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