i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
