my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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