1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
