Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
