the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
