Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
