the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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