I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
